Becoming a Gay Adult

We've all had our moments defying reason: and the New Yorkers (including me) who braved going to work are intrepid. There's good and crazy about that. Hardly will comment on that balance. However, I have to say there was some glee in jumping around in blizzard snowdrifts up to my calves, and seeing the fortitude in the faces of those who brave wild snow falls. It's defying gravity. Had a good workout, then hit the deck early at work to do a one-two punch at the things that needed doing. I was spent after the trek home, for some nosh and reflection, and possibly some entertainment while listening to the wind blow snow up the walls outside and shape ice designs in swirling landscapes of white. You have to give Nature her due: she is mighty. Live Well in Balance with Nature.

Most times, people avoid kids on flights. For some reason I sat beside this tyke on the plane, his mom had another younger one who needed lots of attention and somehow I became Dad for a plane trip. And, I had the most amazing time. Seeing the world through the eyes of a child, makes the world intensely magical. He was so excited about everything. When I read him the story books about animals and letters, he was so happy and alive. Letters...who gets excited about the letters of the alphabet, or the button that turns on the reading light on the plane? Kids do. And I noticed in my "adult mode" that I take almost everything for granted. So for an hour I was five again with this kid I'd never met before and we had a blast. I am home and all the lights, and things that click seem more magical. His enthusiasm and passion for life are with me now. I think work will be more fun on Monday, than it would have been had I never met this kid. So here's to kids: may their

The angels said to the shepherds, "be of courage. Tonight is born a King." There's something in there about the journey from boy to man in the story. There's something about the journey from dark to light--shortest day of the year to summer. As we set goals at work in our performance reviews, as we revisit our families of origin... As we build our families of choice, this is a time of year for reflection. What went well, what would I change? It is time to call upon support--the darker the days, the more help we need and DESERVE. Call dear friends. Acknowledge those who have been of greatest support this year. The gift of saying, "thank you" thoughtfully is worth diamonds and other expensive things we feel obliged to purchase and wrap and send. Focus most on the thought behind the giving, rather than the thing, especially if to do so stretches an already tight spending plan. Focus on the spirit behind the gratitude. People will feel that more: it'

I just met a professional organizer. What struck me most about her is her PASSION for what she does. If you can find a thing to do in life that wakes you up when you talk about it: that's when you know you're doing the right thing in building your career. I've rarely seen that in others. Most people seem to satisfice around their careers. So, probably my first 'endorsement' goes to Dara Finkel at http://www.spacialharmony.com/ . Check out the site (an organizational beauty in of itself), and reach out if you're challenged with ineffective home or office spaces. Just looking at the before and after shots on her site encourages me to tackle end of year through 2011, reducing my clutter-enabled ineffectiveness. Yet one more step towards growing up and being the man I want to be in the world. Go Dara!

After a delicious dinner, singing along with Annie Lennox's new fab Christmas Album and dancing to older Annie in my living room, I'm settling in for requisite couch time. It's been a blessed day. I'm grateful for my supervisor, my co-workers, the company with which I work. I'm enjoying work because of them. I'm grateful for the colleagues who've trusted me with their concerns: they've allowed me many opportunities to show my value in the office. I'm grateful for my growth and development, my willingness to engage in the process of becoming the best gay adult Black man I can be on earth. I get feedback that I have positive impact on others. I'm grateful for the deep connections I have with my godson, family members, friends, mentors and mentees. My home feels blessed, my health has been touched by angels: I move with grace and ease and I love what I see in the mirror (inside and out), and my connection with something bigger than myself feel

I'm paying it forward today. Got up for the run for those shut in and who struggle to feed themselves. I've been given gifts of mentoring, opportunity, protection, health and guidance from something bigger than myself. Without those gifts, I'd be shut in and in need of the help that God's Love We Deliver gives. So I'm doing something for them. It warms my heart and keeps me humble.

I overdo. Period. Ugh. So identifying the right actions to take is the name of the game. There are 24 hours in a day: go. It's the other tough thing for me to exercise right now. First moderation in eating (especially late night sugar, which just jacks up my systems). Second, next right action. What's the next right thing to do? Sometimes, it's listen. Sometimes it's breathe. Sometimes is fast twitch muscle activate and execute. Rarely though, is a successful day a frenetic marathon of action. I've developed a bad habit of ruthless checking the box. It's time to let it go. Even at the gym, I've been advised to select quality exercises, do less repetitions and feel the burn anyway. Most importantly, it was suggested I'd get better results. Even there, my fast-paced, BRING IT, do it all mentality fails. Ugh. Slow it down, focus on FORM and breathe. Work well.

I was 11 when I figured out that I wanted to be more thoughtful around 3 things. And at 41 I'm still thinking about those 3 things. Mysterious, I know. For the next 10 days, I'm going to dive into action about them. And I'll reflect afterwards about how I did. What have you always thought about making change around in your life? What can YOU do for 10 days about those things? Today, and over the last couple days, I've been reminded that I do have impact by the way I LIVE my life. It's humbling, and I'm grateful. I want to step up my game. Correction: I'm stepping up my game so I can be of service by example.

The A-list is Gossip Girl for gays: a frothy eclair for turning the brain off. And yet, in response to some who'd analyze it, I think there's something to say for the underbelly of distorted personalities depicted. I say it's a collective call for us to get better as a community in the way we tell our stories and treat each other, now that we've got some stuff. We've had a fiery time forging our identities in a world that can be hostile. The jaw-dropping cruelty (beyond dangerous liaisons) depicted during the A-list episodes borders on farce, and yet, I'd challenge us to notice that the farce is only a smidgen heightened for dramatic effect in the circles some of us aspire to enter. The face: one of utter disdain betraying no vulnerability or hurt and the collection of humans as figurines to decorate our coffee tables and scream, "I belong here," damage more than the pin prick to keep our lips supple, taut and puckered. The other places that we are cre

This is the hardest thing I've ever done. Simple sugars are the thing to hurdle. I use them to moderate my feelings. I wanted what I wanted today, and I failed to get it: it could be anything on any given day: I just like getting what I want. And the soothe, the mother's milk is to suck on some chocolate. A good donut, or slice of cake, pie, there are other vague approximations that work too. And gay men (the ultimate sufferers of body dysmorphia) should never be told their body fat percentage. What does that 10% number MEAN anyway? It drives me to chocolate biscotti and drinking ginger beer while obsessing about the 18g of sugar in the ginger beer. What does this have to do with anything work related? Well, everything: I have to navigate an intense work day of hurdles, requests, concerns, and then in the midst, feed myself. I want to be thoughtful about the fuel I put in the engine. When sugar seems to be a comfort it challenges the very systems it's meant to soothe:

I think time away from work is crucial to work effectiveness. Whether it's a break in the day, or a couple days away from work entirely (plus the weekend), this is time to put work into perspective and engage in the things that enrich a life. I'm cooking some carrot soup for dinner, and warming up some chicken and rice (leftovers) for lunch at home. I'm enjoying the fall leaves outside my home. I ran a couple errands. It's just calming me to have home cooked smells and the view from my window ease into my consciousness amidst reflections of what's really important. A friend of my mother's just died. An acquaintance my age has recently died as well. My cousin just got married. As I sit and reflect in peaceful quiet, it occurs to me that I want to be a kind person. I want to be thoughtful and present in my life, because I have no idea if it will end quickly now, or later. These types of reflections influence how I show up at work in a day or two when paid ti

Whether we're gay teens or just workers who feel hassled, domination destroys and has little up side. When we feel we're right and someone else is wrong, conversation and kindness are more powerful than whipping someone else into submission. Afterall, human behavior is driven by more complex forces than usually meet the eye. There is often a whole world beyond the simplest act. We can use a little more compassion between Republicans and Democrats, Type A's and the rest of us, gays and straights (and all those inbetween), Whites and Blacks (and the rainbow ethnicities that have since become crucial to our world). We can use more listening, and less dogma. Start in the little ways. Notice someone who's been unheard in meetings and find time to get their opinion. The quiet among us have some of the most brilliant ideas, pressed into diamonds because they've taken on the pressure of all that is input around them. Be a mentor to an LGBT kid in your neighborhood.

I spent some time watching the It Gets Better videos last night. Moving stuff. My favorite is the singing from the Chicago Gay Men's Chorus. It's wild how song works. The world needs all our talents. I'm good at storytelling. I'm good at helping humans align their being with their doing. To get really good at what I do, I constantly have to get better at aligning my own being with my doing. It's hard work. I think our careers help us focus on our deepest wounding as human beings, and as we get better, we develop power in that very area where we're broken. We get stronger than most other humans around that and we can GIVE that strength to others to help them along on the human journey. And that's our career. I think firemen saw some hopeless stuff growing up and are COMPELLED to run into burning buildings to do the impossible task of saving someone from fire. Nurses run TO broken bones and tend to them. I run to broken souls: I see someone struggling wi

Who do you want to be in the world? This is different from WHAT you do in the world. This is different than the service you provide to the universe. This is different from the volunteer work you do. This is who you ARE. Who are you? Who is the best you in the world? And what gets in your way? For me sometimes it's anger at something in the past. Anger at Carl Paladino and the many who agree with him who often feel compelled to silence, yet harbor such rage at who I am and act it out in laws, beliefs, actions, attitudes that leave me feeling spent without even lifting a finger. Sometimes it's sadness at the pain in the past: whether it is discrimination against me because of my social status, the color of my skin, my sexuality, my sero-status (HIV+), that I live 15 miles off the island of Manhattan, that I was molested as a young boy etc. Sometimes it's pure fear. Or rage. Or depression. Or such overwhelm at all that's left to do that I feel paralysis (self-conta

Today is your best day. It's my best day. Today is the day to live life. Consider this possibility: what if the way you lived your life today mattered? What if you looked back on your life and this day was important? Live it as if you had to review it later and be accountable, to you, the best of you. Live well.

It is easy to get distracted by goals. It is easy to point the finger at the coal miners stuck, the sludge-filled river, the preacher accused of having sex with the most vulnerable in his care. However, this glosses over the fact that life is good. In fact, life is perfect--filled with good things. A perfect day: imagine how much it takes for a day to be perfect. Blue skies, great temperature for hiking or biking or lounging and looking out the window. A perfect day to ease someone's pain, to show up for a friend, to have a wedding. A perfect life: a job, people who I love working with, things to do I love, healthy body mind soul, a dance and a light in my eyes, people in my life who I love: the cousin who's getting married and her amazing son, my godson. I have bitched and moaned about so many hurtful things in my life. I was on the verge of suicide myself as a teen gay boy, wondering if all I was would be prey for older gay men, target of bullying and vengeful hate fr

I've been particularly disturbed by the conversation on gay teen suicide. And upset by the gay bashing at the Stonewall Inn. And while I have no clear details about these events, it has me reflecting on the hurt around sexuality during my own shaping years: both what I experienced and how I participated in hurting myself, which formed me, and shapes how I show up at work today. How I express myself as a gay adult. I've made mistakes myself. I rarely re-post, however, it first strikes me that Dan Savage is doing some good in reaching out to teens to let them know, "it gets better." Because it inspires, I think, all of us to salve the wounding that happens to us as we grow up. It inspires us to stop bullying each other, and to be more loving and kind as we try to make it: to create the abundance through our work to live rich lives. And what made me cry was a straight father's comments through a story and a vision that came to him in walking his son: Jack Bak

As alumni we're working on gathering as many of us under the tent as we can. It's amazing that I fall more in love with Colgate over the years. There are a few institutions I love: The Center in NYC, Colgate and Rowe. And what they have in common, is a sense of community. At Colgate, we believe that education saves the world. It is the enlightened mind that can form morals, and find ways to live abundantly within values. It is the university which can bring diverse thoughts together, catalyze them and form incredible variety in harmony. We have a new president's inauguration today: pomp and circumstance and regalia. Underneath it, are a million wings of souls yearning for lives well lived. Those who've been here, those who've yet to come, and all our families and friends who are touched by Colgate. Our alumni are over 35,000 strong from many countries, traditions, beliefs, and there's great variety in our socio-economic status. Our student body has more inte

Monday is my favorite day. I declare it so: and so it is. And it's funny how once you make up your mind about something: the idea sticks. I guess that's what feeds some of our negative projections on people places and things. So I'm turning that ability of our minds to good use. I enjoyed today. So what also helped was a good weekend. I really enjoyed my time AWAY so I could show up with energy and joy today. And I chose to let nothing bring me down: even my errors or people pointing them out: I just CHOSE to have a good day. And so it was. I confess, it was hard work. There were LOTS of opportunities to beat myself up and think that a gaffe would go down in the history books branding me forever incompetent, or worse, fundamentally "slow." However, I brushed those crazy thoughts off and sent them packing...today. The wonder of the world in the whirly-gig of time is that tomorrow is another day! Laugh well...(and have you noticed how many packages and t

I find the quietest place inside and breathe into it. That can serve as a center for the whirli-gig of work and life. There is a hurricane named Karl in the middle of the ocean. Even from that I need to find the center: the calm in the storm and find peace. It's never as crazy as it seems. How can I within the beginning and end of the waves of what SEEMS chaotic, breathe? Work well.

Life will never be perfect. I left the office today with a pile of "to-do" on my desk that makes my head spin. And yet, I carved out time today to do the following: 1. have a powerful yet shortened work out this morning that cleared my head and got my blood pumping. When I hit the office this morning, I hit it hard and strong, muscling through an anxiety of mammoth proportion about how I was going to get ANYTHING on my plate done. 2. pause and do networking at an industry conference. That raised my sights, beyond my little desk and day to day concerns and showed me the bigger picture. Seeing folks at a career fair quickly snapped me back to reality: I'm lucky to have a job I love in the industry I am most fond of, and in the function I care deeply about, working with people on my team I love and with colleagues to serve whom I respect. Bollywog that it's overwhelming: I'll find healthy, collaborative ways to slog through this period. 3. I managed my netw

Ever feel as if you're in a whirlwind of a day? Fall leaves getting bright and wind starts to get chilly. Work spins faster on the email, phone and people wheel and it's hard to get on what seems to be a faster and faster treadmill. It's all good if you breathe, get rest and eat well. Bonus: get some exercise. My blood is pumping! That's the challenge today to stay pumped and balanced. Go for it! Work well.

I am refreshed and renewed. I even cooked yesterday and a couple days ago got 10 hours of sleep. Rowe-tastic retreat. Now, pace myself sustainably until the next break. Work and live well.

Heading out for rest and rejuvenation. Happy Weekend Long. Rest Well...Meditate Thoughtfully and Let Go Thought

new definition of happiness = wheeeeeeee i'm definitely excited about the weekend. it's a time for pause, relax, rest, yoga, meditation and concentration on my deepest purpose on earth. what is truly important to me? who do i want to be? and from that quiet to return to work and be effective and present. there's a workshop this weekend on bringing our best self to work. i want and need that workshop to reconnect the daily actions--we spend most of our life at work--to the core of who i am and want to be... now back to work...for one more day. wait for it, wait for it...breathe. work well

Ah life. Sweet life. It goes fast up and down the path. And I'm singing inside and doing my work happily, because I know there's a break ahead that leads in green open space and rest. I think I'll literally take the break, from work, from reading, from computer screens and just let my entire being relax. Live well.

Yes, I tipped the bicycle over on the most beautiful day in New York City. Angels watch over me since I just barely bruised my knee. I'm fine. And I stuck $20 in the gas tank holder of the non-moving car that I slammed into since I think I scratched it a bit. Just being my sometimes happy-go-lucky, not quite paying attention head in the sky guy I can be...I was smiling then suddenly there was a car, and the brakes, and bike upside down and me sorta standing over it looking down. Not pretty. However, it made me think about a lot of things. Yes insurance and bike repair shops and things, yes. And angels who protect and be more careful, watch the road and non-moving cars, yes. And boundaries and the RULES of the road, of course. Bigger though: on the most beautiful day of the year, why would I crash my bike when NOTHING else was moving? I was the only one in motion and there was NOTHING in my way. It reminds me of the powerful force of self sabotage. I sometimes am the very object

Leadership and teamwork are important. So is self-mastery. However, I think I'm more interested in cooperation these days: how do people and teams who are DIFFERENT work well together: cooperatively. My Dad worked with farmers' cooperatives: groups of farmers who shared best practices with each other. You'd think their primary relationship with each other would be competition. Yet all the industry associations tell us differently: we are so much stronger together than apart (even if we are competing.) My young friends in corporate America seem (as I did when I was 20-21) to believe that there are limited spots for the best and selected. I really cheer them on towards working with each other on their job searches. As Pooh says, "it's so much better with two." Join with someone else who's also seeking what you seek. Pick your fave five and do the vulnerable work of sharing your dreams and passion, and what you want to do with your life. Your peer sup

I've got Rowe on the brain. Figuring out what the weather will be like up there, what to wear, what to pack. Who am I driving up with? Who's in the car driving back when we debrief how it all went? This year I want to be kind to all, even the people who rub me the wrong way. The people I consciously avoid because I've been hurt (that is I felt hurt, or have allowed them to be hurtful in the past.) That's my stuff and until I learn how to stand up for myself in front of them, I avoid them. It includes the people I dearly cherish--how will I be with them? Will I truly listen? Will I just project what I want them to be and how I want them to act or will I let them be their full selves? If I do, will I be hurt, or surprised, or love them ever more deeply? Will I sleep well?  All this talk of bed bugs in the city is maddening. I'm trying denial as a tool...when they come, I'll deal. 'Til then I'll live my life wild and strong. Here's to the ex

and i love my boss. and my team. and the people i do it for...and what they do. officially. that's all. happy work.

15 days to retreat at Rowe. It blows my mind how fast time flies. This retreat's focus for me is to identify how to have a more principled work life. I want to honor my personal need for regeneration and recharge, and the demands of work which I love. That's the rub: I WANT to perform well. AND I have to take care of myself in order to do that. Take care of self outside the office. It's such a balancing act. I have no idea how people parent AND work and have a life. It's incredible how much time things take to do. And how focused and centered I need to be to balance life. The retreat is a place of perspective development, total recharge, and to give some feelings space to breathe. I notice I hold my breath and muscles sometimes at work at that halts effectiveness. Today, I breathe more fully in action. Work well.

Give up if you try hard and fail. Unplug everything and reboot. It might be 8 hours of sleep, or a ride in the park. I'm taking the weekend off. I tried so hard and missed several deadlines or never got to key things I "needed" to do. I have a couple choices: pure anxiety and the wringing of hands, and there's another, let it go, and relax for the weekend and go back in on Monday with focus and energy, with some collective brainstorm energy towards future and past project catch up. I never have to solve it in my own head, and anxiety never solved anything...effectively. Live well.

When it all seems too much and completely impossible. let go. believe.

Rowe Labor Day weekend is 22 days away. I have 22 days to think about what I want to focus on during my time on retreat. I know this year has had physical challenges. What am I blocking in my life that keeps me small and constricted, prevents me from blossoming and growing fully expansive? What blocks me from living a full life? That I have created? How do I breathe through my anxiety? My life is exceedingly good. I just have such a hard time embracing it and breathing into it. It kills me to hold too tightly. More to come on that meditation. Until then, work well.

and there's gravity. there are basic truths, and we honor them best when we work with them. life is tough sometimes and the best way to navigate it, is with the support of friends. so first, cultivate your friendships and support relationships. then, reach out when the going gets tough. simple truths. live well.

start your engines. 25 days to glorious Rowe http://www.rowelaborday.com/ the fellowship and reflection on the year.  the dancing.  the good food.  rest.  the laughter and tears.  men asking the hard questions and grieving the losses, cheering each other on and empowering each other to tackle life well.  we'll talk about our challenges and form plans to meet those challenges in the coming year. i'm excited. today, i jump in.  sessions for employees, and a big project to work on.  went to the gym and wrestled with iron and pushed my body for endurance.  and now we begin. work well.

There is always a honeymoon. Grown-ups get on with the deeper and more fulfilling part of relationships.  Kids stay searching for more moons. The Kids are All Right.  Great movie to show that the adults are damaged and hurtful sometimes though the healthier ones are in a continuous state of correction.  A plane they say is 99% of the time off-course and pilots spend their time gently bringing us back on course. And so it is. My life is amazing and good.  I just have to see it.  And when I get angry, sad, belligerent, upset, despondent, I just review what my life actually is and on my past reflect to bring myself back to noticing I'm all right. These next weeks are full of work tasks, and I will balance that with my personal life goals with friends, family and myself at home.

yippee and this one was mine. taken to lunch feted with flowers.  the trick is to stay humble, yet joyful.  and i think i managed well.  i am loved.  nice chat and a card from Mom on Saturday. enjoying riding my new bike to work and a good workout and warm chocolate cake. mmm. live well.

I wish my parents had warned me that with forgiveness of others (especially them) comes the bliss of a happy, useful and contented life.  I could have started that process earlier. Instead I raged at the machine way past the usefulness of that exercise. It's beyond my control what people do or think or say around my race, sexuality, sero-status or economic condition.  It does matter that I let others be who they are in the world, and that I tend to my own spiritual condition. Bless me for I have made a mess of things and am willing now to listen. Live well.

i get so frustrated when things go differently than i'd planned.  really get all ruffled. got a little nick from my new bike...distracted by eye candy and sweet talk...with my NEW BIKE.  ugh...i wanted to punch him and then i wanted to kick myself...easy to anger. and i breathed and bought some hydrogen peroxide...it's just dangerous for me to bleed for many reasons...major one being sero-status, however other one being that i'm on blood thinners.  so i had a little moment. BREATHE. when things go differently than i plan, find a way to discern the new motion of the river of life i'm in.  and then eye candy is unavailable, and yet he's in pain so a sit and talk at a diner and that's ok.  and time with an abundant being in the universe like me...i'm in pain too...i hurt, he hurts we can be there for each other and be human. and the movies i'd planned: inception, the kids are all right, SALT, can wait.  it's a beautiful day on my gorgeous bike

This blog has been an amazing journey for me.  It's so hard to believe that this stuff works.  It does. My life is different.  Over the last couple weeks it's been sinking in.  I believe something different about work, life and play than I did before.  I believe something different about the way I can navigate it all.  I'm sitting with that in meditation (which is why I've been missing some days lately.) It's all sort of overwhelmingly good. And then two of my coaching clients checked in to tell me that YES, they both got jobs and they credit the thinking and the process we put together for their success.  It flies in the face of all that many of us believe about work. It'll be exciting to coach them in their first 100 days in office, even as I pass the 60 day mark in my own transformation of the place called "work."  For me, it's been a rich source of play. May you work well and live well.

Perfect weekend. Relaxed, took some sun, pool, ocean, bay, sand, food...sleep. Danced.

Watch out for fighting reality.  Life's got a plan and if I get in the way of it, I get swept off my feet...in a very non-romantic way.  It's painfully bumpy at times. So sense the winds and learn like surfers to ride the wave gracefully:  think of all the wonderful views of life upside down and breathe. Live well.

Whatever it is, work with it.  If it's my inner turmoil, if I'm challenged by behavior I've been trying to manage forever, if it's a relationship with someone else that's baffling, just work WITH it.  Instead of prescribing new behavior, pathologizing it or my relationship TO it, go WITH.  The most dangerous thing we do as human beings is to get in the mix and try to redirect energies that are pre-ordained. Making a rose unfurl faster, is madness. Today I work with life. Live and work well.

Sometimes you feel you made the mistake that's ruined your career: like the time you squirted ketchup on your boss' shirt at a client lunch.  It's amazing the stuff one can obsess about. I spent most of Sunday obsessing over one of those mistakes.  Meanwhile, I think everyone else on the ranch has moved on. I need to forgive myself.  And get on with it, already! The truth is too: this has revealed a perfectionism about others.  Maybe I'm just as hard on others' humanity, as I dwell on my own imperfection. It's food for thought.  Meantime, gentle, gentle, gentle and never bring it up again with co-workers.  Everyone else has moved on.  And it's a drag to keep rehashing the story in my mind, or bringing it up in theirs.  Learn the lesson, APPLY it going forward.  Most of all, LET IT GO! Work well.

There is a comforting illusion in corporations that the "daddy" of the company is taking care of everything and all I have to do is show up and do the work. FALSE. FAIL. I have a lot of responsibility.  First, I need to set the intention for my engagement with a company.  What is it that I hope to contribute to the world, and through my engagement with the company, how do I contribute?  What is the passion for my life?  Answer. Then there is constant vigilance: what is demanded of me that goes against my values, core needs, etc.?  I must identify these early and have thoughtful, respectful conversations to make sure those needs are attended to or else I jeopardize the archway of the relationship between me and work. The weekends are time to realign and assess where I am.  Mondays are for thoughtful re-entry. Work well. Live well.

It's how you carry yourself that makes you ugly or beautiful. It's my attitude that makes my life fantastic or dramatically painful. In my meditation on the beach today, through my yoga and the dancing, I decided to face reality with a dose of laughter and play, as well as mourning and sadness for the times I failed to stand up for myself.  I am beautiful, I am worthy of attention at the bar of life.  Give me some love. Ask for what you want and deserve.  Say yes to yourself, AND see if the world has some boundaries.  Focus on the yes, then obey the rules of the road: respect and dignity for others, respect for the planet and its resources. The ocean is mighty fine. Live well.

That's the music of life.  Life plays some pretty amazing orchestral pieces. Listen today.  Enjoy and learn.  It's a life lesson, professor: the Universe. We're in session.  Live well.

maybe it's because of a lovely night at Boqueria with friends, or the temperature is getting more moderate, or more sleep.  i woke up happy today. and i feel so grateful to have a job, good co-workers who i appreciate and respect and have so much to teach me, colleagues who i serve who treat me with respect and kindness, friends who share good food with me and laughter, family who love me as best they can and a belief in the good around me that surrounds the universe and guides the planet. it's a good day and i am celebrating. thank goodness i hung in there through those dark and stormy days recent past. live well

There is more that I want to do today than is humanly possible in the hours available. Has that ever happened to you? What's the trick then?  I will try to PRIORITIZE the most important things.  I will do the next RIGHT thing.  And I will let go when someone comes blazing into my consciousness and demands their thing be done now.  I will refrain from making impossible promises.  I will rather have the difficult conversation about boundaries EVEN IF it seems that having that conversation takes longer than just doing the thing quickly in the first place.  That's because I know that when I jack up something trying to get it done, check the box, it makes things worse down the line. I will breathe today and focus on a life, a sustainable and long successful and effective life of grace and ease. And so it is. Work well.

Sometimes life is mercilessly fast.  The demands come quick and easy and I'm sitting there perplexed as to what to attend to first. I've learned to breathe and relax into the wave.

I love the funny line in the movie, forget which one, where someone makes funs of blogs and says something approximating, "I read your blah, and you read my blah." We all do "blah" on a lot about nothing. I'm feeling blah, which is different from sad or depressed, it's that apathy thing.  It's completely internal.  Life is really good, in fact I read somewhere that there is a specie of human that get restless when things are good.  I hope I'm outside that circle. Life is good, and I'm blah.

A guy today in the gym has that thing where he says inappropriate things outside his control.  At least, that what it seems to me.  And I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I'll continue to do that today: give the other human beings the benefit of doubt. How do I know for sure what's going through someone's head or what's going on in their lives, why they frowned at me: maybe their tummy hurts. Why they growled at me: maybe they're growling at themselves and the world.  Why that hateful word came out of their mouths? Hate hurts the sender more.  The receiver can practice deflection. I can also focus my energy on what is good.  Air conditioning today.  My bills paid today.  Friends.  Family. I am incredibly blessed. This is my stronghold.

When life hits you in the solar plexus hard, feel the pain, grieve the loss, scream if you need to, even cry.  Hide in a corner and suck your finger, pout and tell everyone you'll play with them nevermore. Then when you get some legs again, crawl out from the rubble of your brain and face the world again. Sucks that the Dutch lost.  All that ORANJE.  Sucks to lose my phone.  And maybe it's all just brain chemistry; but sucks to feel so bereft.  Comfort food for an afternoon and quiet time at home. Tomorrow is Monday.

What if we aimed to all work from one heart-space? If all our blood came from one source... If all our dreams came from one sleep... Might we treat each other with greater care?

I dance a lot in my posts. I enjoy the flights of fancy.  There is a lot of good in the world and I'm fascinated by it.  I particularly love today, the sense of grace that fills everything.

Yes, we want to rely on others for support and guidance.  Often times we make foolish decisions on our own, powered by our own batteries. It is in the collaboration with others that we discover the next right action. And then, it's only me, it's only you.  We individually have to decide to take the action. I had to deliver the packages once I learned where they needed to go.  I had to call the presenters once we agreed on who would present.  Yes, I make a step forward when I go beyond my unilateral decision-making and action plans which ran rip-shod over others.  Now, once the collaborative decision has been made, I need to take the action. Work well.

it's hard to believe i ran for the bus tonight on my way home in 100 degree heat. that's all i have the energy to type. bed time.

Took a little time to reflect on my life this morning and the goals I've set.  And I have to say I'm on target:  I have a lot of the stuff I want of life and am tracking in most areas (except financially and maybe career) towards my goals for myself. I have a question for myself though, "are my life goals mine?"  Or are they old parental expectations, or confusing societal expectations of what my life is supposed to be?  Am I forcing my life to fit some external mold?  Mold: what an interesting word: something you clean away or a structure in which you put something pliable that can take any shape at all.  Seems apt here: is my life-shaping process one that suits my unique talents, gifts, desires, and how I can be truly useful in the world? I'm going to the movies. Animation. Funny, lots of amazing actors are doing these films now. And, ironically their "cheesy" often wholly ridiculously optimistic "upbeat" take on life and far-fetched esca

yesterday was so fun and amazing. ran into people at each turn as if some greater synchronicity had orchestrated the day.  from ferry to sand to pool to dancing to the lovely train rides to and fro: what a beautiful day. here's another. live well.

Create my life.  I woke up this morning with a sense of endless possibilities.  It's as if I can with some thoughtfulness give myself with the help of others and that force that rules the universe, a life worth living today.  It's as if I start today with a blank slate.  I notice the dawn is as an unveiling of a new day, a new opportunity. These 24 hour blocks that encourage us to wake into them from a rest period, invite me to start anew, again.  And here I am, considering all that is important to me and how to incorporate those core values into my day. Compassion for myself, which leads to compassion for others. That's one.  And enough for my focus today.  Self-care and thoughtfulness, ease in walking to the train, rather than rushing.  If I give myself that, I run over less others on my way.  Ease in movement: grace. Live well.

I can already feel the sand beneath my naked feet. I'm thinking about turning these 6 months of consistent musings into a book.  What do you think?  The diary of a corporate seeker.  Life in marble.  A low level search in companies for good orderly direction from a spiritual place. Something like that. Musings of a mad corporate cubicle-being.  I have no delusions of madness really, I just think a little off to the corner by myself and am making it public. Bleh. Tired.  Snacking and doing laundry.  A spot of chocolate in a bit and then bed.  I'm looking forward to the beach and the sand, the sound of waves crashing, watching the sea and napping under a bright cloud-splotched sky.

I'm hungry.  I want serenity and joy.  And I can hear the music in the rustling of the tree leaves, feel the ease in the wind and I imagine the serenity at the beach this weekend, the feel of sand. And yet, I create madness over and over again.  I realize that I am the instrument of darkness that I fear the most. Honestly. It is I who fear that the worst is about to happen.  It is I who put the "but" in the sentence stating all that's good.  And it really is all good and taken care of beyond my petty ideas about what "taken care of" means.  I really do have a "God" complex, and the trouble is, as I've heard it told, God has a bigger ego than I do.  Go along with Her program or get dragged. Reminds me of when I crossed the street on my own as a 2 1/2 year old.  I'm just born defiant and charmingly so.  So, I'm learning to play in the orchestra of life and stop screeching for attention.  While at the same time allowing myself to b

It pays to listen.  What a man says, especially on first meeting, can tell you a lot. I have learned to even listen to myself as I speak, as I tell my story.  It's less about shaping my image, and more about hearing how I frame my life.  There is a lot that is true about me.  What do I want others to remember: how do I want them to enter my reality? Do I want others to view me as broken, without rudder, or do I want to be seen as having valuable assets, and be seen as one who's also clear about my liabilities and what help I need? This is what I'm thinking as I end the day.

Life has a funny way of saying, "I love you."  Just keep dancing with life and you'll see.  There's so much love in the world, piles and piles. Jump onto the amazing feather top love.

Sometimes things just happen.  Go with the flow. Challenging commute home.  Train went somewhere new.  Explored the new land, learned some cool things, the bee-lined home and got here at the same time. Live Well.

I overheard a (presumably) straight guy on the BART complaining to his (presumably) girlfriend that the gays should just "be" instead of taking a day to crunk up traffic and make life miserable for others for one day.  At least that was my take of his goings on.  After that he did some pull-ups on the rails, seemingly to show his woman how masculine he is. I thought about LGBT Pride Day, having just been deeply moved (as I am every year) by LGBT folks taking over major thoroughfares of commerce.  Down Market Street, what significance is it that a man rode his bicycle nude, or children of gay folks skipped rope blocking traffic so folks had a hard time getting to Fisherman's Wharf? The question is itself. And one thought that springs up is:  of course it would be great for all LGBT folks, or all Black folk, or Puerto Rican folk, or women, or the handicapped, to just "be."  We could and should do the introspection and build thoughts, words and actions in our

The hills are fun.  We're eating really good food.  I'm enjoying family. Soon I'll be with my best gym buddy and his boy.  I'm obviously feeling silly.  Less sleep than I like, falling asleep on the couch. Life is good on the West.

Get in the flow of life.  It's delicious: so I dare you to bite in and chew thoughtfully.

It amazes me, and yet I've known it for ages, that we humans accomplish more working together than we do on our own. When we work well together, we bring out each other's personal best, we cheer each other on, and keep each other motivated.  When I plugged out of organizations, I functioned at a lower productivity level. Granted I did some well needed down-adjustment, however, I'm enjoying the rush of performing with a team. Really.  It's fun.  Even when the work is tough and challenging.  It's fun to feel that rush with other humans achieving challenging goals that would seem IMPOSSIBLE at the starting line.  I think it's what humans were designed to do: the impossible together. So there: I'm exhausted in a good way.  I feel appropriately used up at the end of the day and ready to eat something yummy and as healthy as I can manage, then get some relaxation time and then true shut eye rest.  And, I'm excited to do it again. The joy of working wel

I take full responsibility for my happiness. If I partner well with the others in my family, my neighborhood, my selected tribe, my mentors, those I support, my co-workers and with myself (my higher wisdom), then I can have outrageous happiness. If I court my lower self, if I cut myself off from support of others, if I ALLOW others to hurt, ignore or debase me, then I actively participate in my own unhappiness. Yes, stuff happens; however, it is my current belief that even then, we have choices about how to respond.  Do we immediately ask for help (from those who CAN --capacity + willingness-- help/vs those we think "should")?  Do we in shame feel responsible for fixing our own mistakes, rather than see ourselves in perpetuity and with grace surrounded my loving others willing to help pick us up (even when we pulled the tablecloth down ourselves and ruined our own dinner?) I choose to do life with the loving, caring and demonstrable supportive others.  I choose happin

Stay in the game long enough and every once in a while you get a bly. Things line up and it feels miraculous that it happened that way. It was just one of those days.

Each day is its own adventure.  Breathe it in deeply: all it's sights and smells.  Challenge it to reveal secrets, then rest in preparation.

I grew up with work hard, play hard--bunk!  I'm over that concept.  It fails--it leaves me wrecked at the end of the weekend, only to throw my tired ass body into the office on Monday, try to catch up (in vain) during the week and then exhausted on Friday, try to "have fun." NOOOOOOO! I want better pacing so it's, "work collaboratively, play with easy."  I want grace and ease in my life consistently over time.  I want (just as the bird on my fire escape) to have nest time.  The most beautiful eggs in this delicate nest REQUIRE the bird to sit on them to keep them warm. I need to sit my ass at home and take care of my nest: dust, meditate, sort my old emails, play some good music and be with me sometimes.  I was "out" almost all weekend and though I loved every minute of the beach, the walk down the Hudson, and will enjoy my time out today and the housewarming for a dear friend, I NEED KARL TIME to sit on the couch and be with me. So, I'

Some guy said I go to the beach to show off.  Now, I am competitive, and I do have a bit of narcissism.  Um, hello, which gay man do YOU know who's has escaped dysmorphia?  It's almost a requirement for the gay gene. By the way, see "Gary and Tony have a Baby." I'm blathering.  I got some sleep.  I need to nap on the beach today.  Relax my brain.  Relax my muscles: it may even be time for a week off from the gym.  Perfection: at work, with my body, in relationships, is overrated.  Gentle acceptance works better every time. So maybe I'm going to the beach with some desire for accolades and compliments.  So what?  I'm also going to chill and rest.  And I changed my beach plan so I can see my friends who want to see me instead of isolating on another beach by myself.  Yet, I will bring the day to close when I feel complete about the beach and being out, so I can spend quiet time at home and get full sleep tonight. Self-care and acceptance. Play well

Yes, it's Friday.  I worked.  I got a lot accomplished, and I tried my best to do it all with grace and ease.  Sometimes I muscled through things, and my body feels a little beat up for that.  I did try my best to ask for help with challenging tasks.  Especially today, I got clarity around requests and that was SMART!  We actually agreed on what was high priority and that took pressure off this afternoon so I could focus on getting one thing done, to the best of my ability, and know that Monday, I can get the other priority thing done. That makes me feel good. Monday already has two key actions to accomplish, and yet, I'm focusing now on doing laundry, and will focus tomorrow on having a nap on the sand.  I'm going to be calm and cool on the beach, baby.  I'm going to eat yummy food slowly, and relax my muscles.  I could really use a massage soon, and some Alexander Technique.  I did make it to the chiropractor and I'm looking for a good acupuncturist.  The bo

You get hit if you're staring at the pavement cracks (see Annie Lennox). The sky is so much more dynamic and exciting. Life's good; just fast right now.  A LOT OF COACHING going on: I love it. One step at a time folks.  Set a goal and go for it.  Choose something simple and reasonable and pick a buddy or two to let know how you're doing.  You NEVER need to do a job hunt, or change your attitude/focus at your current job on your own.  There is help. Happy Hunting & Work Well

Was it the 3.5 mile run today after the doctors said I may never be able to do that?  My runner friend says the endorphins are better than chocolate.  The docs said my heart may never be the same after the damage, my lung capacity forever altered.  And yet, explain why my mileage was actually OK.  I ran non-stop the Corporate Challenge. I think it was the random cheering on the sidelines.  You know, we all need cheering on: it really made a difference every time I thought to quit and walk! Was it my own coaching/cheering on this morning before work and making a difference in someone's life?  Did I pump myself up by helping someone else? Was it accidentally coaching at night after the run?  My natural gifts lifting someone else? Was it making correction for my mistakes yesterday WITH some amazingly forgiving and generous co-workers who went out of their way to help me?  Was it realizing I never need to be perfect?  That telling the truth and asking for help works?  My authen

I hate making mistakes.  I love my luxurious fantasy of perfection.  And today my humanity, my imperfection shone through fiery.  I hung in there and cleaned it up. I've learned, you just tell people you screwed up.  Say how you're going to fix it immediately, and how you're protecting it from happening going forward.  It matters little whether anybody else had anything to do with it.  Throw no one under the bus, however, you may want to bring them in on the effect the error had and get their buy in for the proactive solution for future transactions. Truth is, things move so fast that especially with transactional work, there are bound to be errors now and then.  The time it takes to be perfect would result in paralysis.  It's that magical balance between getting it done (and maybe having to beg forgiveness) and taking so long to deliver that by the time you do deliver, it's too late to be of any use (especially since you've now teed off your colleague by be

There's a challenge to staying the course: burnout. We must create sustainable careers.  That's what makes life worth living: doing something we love in balance with what's most important: our parents (however we define them), our brothers and sisters, family, children (also subject to personal definition), our board of directors, those we look after, our neighbors, our friends and lovers/partners, our home. Our selves, our spirit, our faith. We must fill our wells, daily if possible, so that we can be present for work. Our source of power must be activated, or else we're empty husks at work, grabbing for sustenance.  I felt it: grasping for air as my lungs shut down, blocked veins in my legs so I could not move.  I jacked my body up overdoing, overachieving often beyond the bounds of human possibility (and many times of my own design.) I'm learning to honor the body's limitations and 24 hours per day (part of which is designed for rest.) Sustainable

Working with others to achieve goals is one of the most challenging human endeavors. Being a "star" is so engrained in us.  We're ranked and sorted so early in our lives that we feel a connection to survival regarding being adored and put on top of "the heap."  At work, it seems being a "top performer" is the end goal. I remember reading a book about the "caterpillar pillar."  And there was something that always stuck in my craw: being the best, means a better life than most.  We become "layoff resistant," less likely to be cheated on by our partners.  And how we pride ourselves regarding being BETTER OFF than others.  Entire show lines get ratings around "at least my life is better than that."  Entire conversations at dinner sometimes revolve around ripping someone else apart: how silly they look, act, speak etc. and at least we're better than that. It makes it hard to look someone who we disregard in the eye and

Sometimes I go off the grid.  My cousin teases me about that: "you are spontaneous," she said to my protestation that I'm very structured all the time.  "You just do it on your own terms." I do.  And sometimes that means the cell phone goes off, I go away, sometimes just in my living room, and tune out the world.  It's important: a mini-vacation.  A time for just me.  And I can do that with one person: someone called it "bi-solation," or it can be by myself.  I think as long as it's conscious, it's fine.  If it's unconscious and a way to avoid something core and important to yourself or others that you've promised, then it's an issue. I deliberately made no plans for today.  My life has started to feel pressurized with responsibilities to others.  And I wanted a day for myself.  I spent the first part curled up in bed, then brunch and a walk, and the second half is for me to pay bills, putter around some other paperwork an

Beyond my limited vision, is a deeper design for my life. I notice that in working with clients.  We all have blind spots.  There are areas of our lives and perspectives that are completely blocked to us.  We have to be open to what others say to us about us and our experiences in order for us to live the fully realized lives that we are meant to live. If the feedback of others is too intense, as sometimes it certainly is, take pause to commune with the sky: turbulent clouds or translucent dancing angels.  Or delight in a flower; admire the thorny stem.  You'll often find the answers through your senses too.  I push too much and overwhelm myself sometimes and miss out on the tenderer messaging available.  Slow down and often confusion morphs into clarity. Harder said than done. I say all this to say: today is a good day.  My life is abundantly, gloriously good, mirroring the cloudy day signalling rain that shifted to bright sunlight, warm and loving breeze.  Coached again t

I coached today.  It felt so good.  We made light bulbs go on. And then I kicked ass at work.  I helped people feel more grounded and secure at work.  I feel really good. The earth feels firmer, less woozy feeling when I try to do something.  I'm starting to feel some anchoring at work.  After 2 weeks it's starting to make sense: the flow of the work, the way people work together, talk in the hallway. We thank each other, we're kind, we're interested in each other as people.  It's interesting noting culture and "how" we get work done. Cheers. Hunt Well, Work Well, Live Well and do the most good.

There is a time for bushwacking. And a time to stand quietly in the rain. Life has its own flow and movement.  It's important to honor it or get swept up in the tide, flailing in despair.  Find the inner tube and laugh.

Ah, support.  I'm getting it in spades. Here's how you can get some too. 1.  Identify mentors.  These are people who you want to be or who have something you aspire to have: qualities or titles, values or things.  Run your plan by them for big picture perspective. 2.  Pick your fave five.  Especially if you're starting a new gig or planning a change, the close friends you have can all you on your bs and keep you from making crazy moves.  Run any big ideas or change by them BEFORE you activate your grand exit from your current gig(s).  Friends are good to run your petty concerns and fears by.  [Your partner should be kept in the loop; however never your main lean-on person: it's just too close to home.] 3.  Get a buddy at work.  This is your colleague, who might be struggling just as you are: asking the same questions, succeeding and able to clearly see, validate and understand exactly what you mean when you use work acronyms and codes and the very people you tal

The Results and The People Relationships are both important.  And often they can seem to be in conflict. It's important to consider the human relationships and getting the task done.  Finesse between those two things is crucial to work success. When dilemnas arrive I want to solve the results on my own.  When the pressure mounts, I want to hurl my impressive intelligence at it to make it subside.  I just have to do that IN CONCERT with others in the orchestra or else I make annoying sounds that get people upset. So today I could have used more silence.  I'll try that tomorrow. And, I want to practice a great question to ask around dilemnas.  "I have a problem and I need your help."  Then I can state my challenge, the competing priorities, and brainstorm solutions (rather than solving the challenge on my own.) Thoughts for today. Work well.

OK, it's been brought to my attention that I need to rest even more than I think I do. It's almost the same as hunger: by the time you realize you're hungry, you should have probably eaten.  I think what happens with bodily functions is that if I choose to ignore them over time, they come back over-strong, demanding more than is reasonable.  Then the systems go into overdrive which is dangerous for sustainability. The key to winning at life is continuous, rigorous, listening to my body, my psyche.  The messages are often clear around self-care, same as keeping an engine tuned, for great performance. Today, I listen to my engine, especially when it says rest, because I want to be effective in the game of life, because I want to be in it for a long time. Live well.

I'm moved by the movie HOWL.  Knew little about Ginsberg.  Wonderful learning and tears.  They really thought the gays were crazy...electric shock.  Go see it when it goes live in New York and SF. Going in again to see David's Birthday.  Maybe lighter? Live Well.

Life is a marathon, sprints are inadequate to manage its challenge.  I do need these breaks though.  Time to rest and rejuvenate.  Tiredness seeps into my bones sometimes when I push too hard.  Overdid it a little this week.  Pulling back to the core this weekend. Rest in motion.  Laundry, ironing, some basic cleaning, organizing, the film festival and talking to some great people.  Life continues, in its infinity, to be good.  Very good. Work well.  Play well.  Live well.

I feel fully used up from today.  I believed.  I took action.  I had fun.  I laughed. Life is good.

Silence is filled with sound. Sometimes I feel I need to fill every void and then I realize that's compulsive.  I can allow the silence.  I can allow myself to sleep. I no longer need to be perfect.

I love the way we ride the crest of the wave at work. It's exciting to achieve and do well.

I did good work today. And it's important to outside of work, to have support and connections.  I spent some time doing that today.

I let the rays of the sun seep in, and I'm a couple shades darker.  Summer has begun for me. It was a delicious day, the rocking of the ferry under the bridges, meeting fun people: diversity is wonderful.  Leaving the city and arriving again. The sand everywhere, the crashing of waves, the beautiful chirpy birds, a soft pretzel, a field of grass, a tender embrace all combined to lull me into the most amazing "take it easy" state.  I was a meditation on life. And a turkey breast, with cheese, with cherry tomatoes on seven-grain toast sandwich was the perfect cap to a perfect day. Sleep well.

In the stillness the answers come. And then the actions we take are more effective. I have a history of burning up energy, time and effort spinning my wheels, being worn and tired from over-exertion, only to realize I'd been going in the wrong direction.  Never truly wasted: for a learned from those efforts.  And what I've learned is: relax, take it easy.  Breathe.  Ask for direction, then act. Today: I rest in action.

Entering an organization (a gathering of people focused on a goal), is a process.  Let's talk about that. The existing organization has a way of doing things, of communicating, of being that the new person has to learn in order to enter successfully.  The first week is about being a total sponge, willing to empty what is known and clearly observe and take note of what is. Many organizations seem from the outside to be one thing; once you're in it, its something else.  So it's important to have done research before interviews and once inside, it's important to compare notes.  How do people say hello in the elevator, make eye contact, what's the water cooler conversation about?  How is the building floor plan arranged?  What does that say about the organization?  Who has the corner offices with the best views?  What does that mean?  How do people dress?  What time do they come in?  What seems to be most important in terms of bottom line, end of year results?  Wher

My life is getting closer and closer to what I've dreamed it to be. I work with people on my team I enjoy, and serve people I enjoy.  Smart people, driven, personable and caring/thoughtful.  This is so refreshing.  I too am all that.  I love what I do. And I love my friends, my family and I'm getting good time in with them. I'm loving myself, who I am, how I show up.  I'm at my ideal weight, I eat good food, I look good in the mirror and my workout was the perfect stress release.  I go to bed and sleep well with a clear conscience.  My life is adequately full and rich. Now about partnership...that's my final frontier.

I'm learning to stretch in my new role.  I'm being asked to juggle multiple priorities, sort them, tackle the most important and practice pleasantries all at the same time. It's challenging, and I'm up for it.  Exhausted too, and looking forward to a recharging break, especially with nice weather, which seems promised.

I love summer.  And springtime in New York today feels like summer.  I watched a woman in work gear wipe with a towel of some small sort and squeeze the sweat out like water onto the train platform, wipe and squeeze again.  Interesting.  I'm lucky to sweat less. Work was fulfilling today.  I worked hard and as effectively as I could.  I was interdependent.  The team (and it did feel like a team) served the other employees.  We brought light to their work and they thanked us. I put muscle and energy and thought into the work today. I loved it.  I like the people I work with.  And our colleagues who we served showed us respect, laughed and made jokes and asked hard questions and it was all good. And I wish that for others.  I want you to have work you enjoy, is fulfilling and pays you decently so you can take care of yourself, have a life outside work and be with those you love outside the office space. Happy Hunting, Working Well.

Champions need sustainable fuel to perform. I'm exhausted.  Full good day.  Met with my wisdom council tonight: peers who all go through the same issues and we talked about how we face work and get stuff done. So helpful.  Now sleep.

I was on time and prepared. And so were they:  desk arranged with essentials & gifts, ID, computer and phone set up, tour and introductions to key people in the building, overview of responsibilities, rules of the road, lunch with team, sit and chat with each person on the team individually: total set up for success. What a buttoned-down and amazing team!  I felt so welcomed and embraced.  Exhausted, in a good way.  Overwhelmed: but knowing that this is a day when there's just a lot to absorb, and feeling OK that they will allow time for it all to sink in.  My job is to be a sponge and soak in as much as I can, and to do what I can as I can over time day by day.  What I value most so far: the complete transparency and openess everyone on the team has.  I trust that.

My life goal is to help others at work have more fulfilling work lives. If you're hunting, check out my 9 steps for the hunting process If you've been in your job for a while and have questions, check out my various thoughts on navigating the workplace. And if like me, you're starting a new gig, look forward to my own thoughts about that as I'm starting a new one too.  I'll probably use a lot of my thoughts from the last 7 weeks from my gig at the ad agency. Today is a new beginning.  A new chance for me to enter an organization well. Live well, work well and happy hunting.

I finally got enough sleep last night after trying to do that all week.  Went to bed early and rested. And in my dreams, I thought of everything for the first day of work.  I was nervous about how I'd be perceived, whether I'll fall passionately in love with the content we produce, and if I'd enjoy the headliners of our content.  Will I love the people?  Will I get and embrace the culture of the place?  Sure, intellectually I think I'm a good fit, however, there's reality.  So we'll see.  I went over my first day paperwork and made sure I packed all appropriate documentation.  I'd taken good notes on conversations so I know exactly where to go, who to meet, and what time to get there.  I even know my first day schedule and a general idea about my first week. I'm as prepared as I can be, down to what to wear and what I need to bring for the first few days at my desk, including a pen and a pad for taking notes. It feels like a first day of school. 

Today is another absolutely gorgeous day in New York City.  I'm sitting here at the home office desk and looking out at magnificently green trees and listening to birds tweet. The laundry is done, and the grocery shopping.  I've already reached out for counsel to set up the work week for success, and supported someone else as they prepare for new work as well.  I coached well on Friday and responded to another connection a network contact generated. I feel wonderfully blessed and gifted.  I will enjoy today and let go of trying to be perfect.  There is a plan to go bike riding.

Yesterday, I started the "defrag" process. You know when your computer asks if you want to defragment your hard drive?  That's what I feel I do when I rest during the day.  Rest at night is about the body doing it's repair work. Rest during the day is about optimizing the functioning of the systems. I think a museum walkthrough is called for.  A leisurely gym workout.  More lying in the sun for sure.  And maybe some abundance visioning: seeing myself in new clothes.  And, I want to allow for spontaneity.  I want to allow myself to go with the flow of life and if something comes up that changes my charted course, I want to go with it.  Normally, in the past, I'd get very angry if the plan changed.  I want to deepen my flexibility through practice: life as it shows me new direction is a good thing. A very good day. I've got a feeling, ooh ooh, that today's going to be a good day! [thanks, Black Eyed Peas.] I'm resting in motion today.

I reconnected with folks at the gig before the ad agency on day 1 off.  It's also a big media company so it was good to talk with HR professionals who do the same functions as I will at my new gig. There are existing and best practices at everything (well most things).  So I touched base with people I know can be wonderfully supportive later.  There's no need (ever) to try and take on something new alone or in a vacuum. There is help out there: you do have to take action though to find it.  I also chilled out in the sun.  Lots of energy there. Happy Hunting, k

Good Banking is Good Citizenship, proclaims Citizens Bank with a little help from my co-workers today.  It's my last day as their co-worker.  Although, we are all co-workers in a bigger sense for the ultimate purpose.  We're all human beings cohabitating on our dear old Earth. Life.  End of work here, and a launching period for work there. Lame duck day.  Awkward.  How do I end well on this last day?  I'm kind, present.  I set healthy clear boundaries.  People will have their reactions.  Obviously mini-versions of my last run with this seven months ago.  Some people will be angry with me and couch it in niceties, some people will be angry and just stay away, some people will cope through denial.  Many will cope through all three.  Some people will be genuinely happy for me: to see me take myself seriously and choose to do Good Banking.  At the end of the day we all want to do good work, and we all want to be paid a liveable wage. There's no way I could live on the

You know, I cringe at my superpowers, move people out of the way line in my description.  And I will leave it up for now.  Just as my brother calls me the absent-minded professor.  My boss calls me on my inattention to details.  And my cousin called me on my statement, "i lack spontaniety."  She said I do have spontaneous moments when it comes to what I want to do; however woe to the person who suggests a spontaneous idea to me. Then I get planful. So I own my subterranean...well not so below the surface, desire for power.  I swear I'd only use it for good! And my proclivity to leave some details out, or make a mistake or two in my focus on speed vs effectiveness or wanting to stay in the bigger picture with a distaste for being in the weeds. And that, along with all my amazing attributes, makes up my authentic brand. Then I have to find a way to communicate it in a helpful way with other stakeholders.  My new supervisor and colleagues, etc.  And we have to find

Always end well.  I have a tradition of ending well.  In this case, I created a document that the team can use to train the next person in the role I'm leaving.  It'll give an overview of what to look out for and what they need to know.  I've organized the desk, files and drawers so the new person comes to a place that is welcoming and sets her up for success. Every new person deserves that. I'm also looking at my projects and data files to make sure that they all are buttoned up.  These last couple days are to check in with the team and make sure that what I need to deliver is complete. I'm saying goodbye personally to key stakeholders.  And so... I feel sad, yes.  AIDS Walk was wonderful.  We had a rousing time cheering back to all the cheerleaders along the way.  We laughed, we talked about important things, and we enjoyed a spectacular day in the park.  $8,656 went to GMHC because of our efforts as a team, proving once again the generosity of the human

I am grateful for my health.  I am hugely grateful that I'm able to walk the 6.2 miles with some amazing folks this morning.  And I am grateful for GMHC, an organization whose mission is to help those suffering from and affected by HIV. 45,000+ people march this morning supporting thousands more in the NYC environs.  Men, women and children, some homebound, some just bewildered get meals, education, and other vital support to help them manage HIV in their lives and its effects. It's a disease with so much stigma. I join with us in blessing them today with each step.

This is the day before AIDS Walk 2010 in Central Park New York with the team.  I'm excited to walk.  It'll be nice to walk with other corporate citizens who believe in giving back: to wear the shirt of the organization, proud to say that part of the energy and passion of the organization goes to helping those who can no longer help themselves (in certain ways.)  Maybe the better way to say it is that we're helping out in supplemental ways.  And maybe, those we help, help us.  For example, it helps me to be grateful that TODAY I have the power to walk six miles.  Some folks are homebound with HIV-related illness.  It helps me to be grateful that I do have a network of support who would be there for me if life got rough and there were things I could no longer do for myself.  And I have seen those who live on so little give me hope that I too would be alright if things got terrible.  The human spirit is strong and flexes to the most unusual situations. I'm already anti