Skip to main content

Even if others find it difficult

I called Tom last night…he'd not called for a while (we used to talk every night, but he'd been a bit distant since I got back from San Fran). He says we're not a match…and can we be friends? He did it very thoughtfully and kind as he always is, and I said yes…I was kinda numb, but I didn't act out and this morning it hit me like a wall of emotion and I cried like a baby almost all the way to the subway. On one hand it hurt like hell, on the other, I'm delighted to know that I have full access to my emotions: confusion, sadness, anger, hurt, but mostly deep mourning. It's all good. It means I'm not as callous as I sometimes think I am…I think as long as I have the support network I have, my heart will remain open to love, joy, and the other natural human emotions of sadness, grief, despair, desire, longing and all that. I'm definitely not going to grow old and bitter. I think though I'll need some time not talking to Tom for a bit, and from dating...

I'm so grateful to be fully alive. I took a risk. A very handicapped risk (we both knew it would be hard to do this 3,000 miles apart), but ultimately, it was just a dating experience and he decided that we weren't the right fit.

I already made a plan to help me walk through the hurting time: Saturday will be good to be with friends. The closing's scheduled for Friday, so maybe it'll be a celebration too...both: grieving the loss of this particular relationship: dating Tom and the beginning of something grand: owning shares in a coop.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

100 Lives in 2023

Legacy -- what I leave behind. Executive Function -- I just looked that up and have a lot more to learn about it. The concept struck me as core to this next chapter of my life that brings together all I've learned so far. Building ability to learn, resilience in the face of terror and disaster, being bendable and shaping while maintaining a spine, having a North Star -- a clear direction, a system of support, and an operating system. Getting regular feedback to dim the echo chamber effect. Regular cadence of reflection time. This is what's required in 2023 and beyond. Cal Newport is correct -- companies have put the full responsibility on each worker to determine how to orchestrate their lives. At the same time, we can work 24 hours--technology allows us to use the same device to wake up and learn what's happening halfway around the globe. Athletes have coaches who share best practices on what to do holistically step by step to optimize their performance on the court or f...
Post a Comment
Read more

A Profitable Man

How do you define a successful life? I think, post-holidays, this idea of what this year should be comes to mind. What if it's in the quality of sleep each night, and the love you enjoy from those closest to you? What if any profit is really from having enough time, money, and other stuff to enjoy the love around you? Then, how do the actions you take this year, this month, this week align with that vision you have for yourself as a viable human being and then your career? Reminder: we spend the most time at work. How does work time move the dial forward for the total being of you. If it goes against, it detracts from what you want to be in the world. Is that a worthy sacrifice? Challenge. Write about it this year. Talk with trusted friends. If you need to adjust the work you do: mold the current work, find a new position within the current organization, or seek new frontiers, do it, for life is short and the years they roll along quickly. Happy New Year. Live and Work ...
Post a Comment
Read more

It's been forever

And nothing significant has changed. Except, now I go back to Colgate to speak. And I'm terrified all over again, but now I'm swamped by this fear that I'm totally inadequate, balanced by my mother's encouragement to go with my head held high. She's written a book, and part of me feels drawn to call Jen and get it published. How come I never wrote my book? Maybe I can help her "finish" hers. But I'm talking about core values. And I'm thinking, but what kind of role model am I? OK, I've got thoughts about values and how to apply them, but I'm a coordinator...at 38 years old. Most of my classmates from Colgate are CEO's, WTF do I know about leadership? If they all got up in the middle of it, (if they showed up at all), and pointed at me and started laughing Carrie-style, I wouldn't blame them and I wouldn't telekinesis or Avada Kedavra because, they'd be right. I have nothing to offer but theory and speculation about ...
Post a Comment
Read more