Becoming a Gay Adult

I was the one with those infernal brag sheets--sending a dossier of annual achievements to all my "friends." I'm glad I stopped doing that. I was also that "friend" who called everyone on my phone list year-end (I guess now that would be all the people in my cell phone), to wish them holiday greetings. It would take HOURS! Now I've learned that I can only be close to a select few. And they know I love them because we're in contact all through the year. This is the time of bonus envy too. Who failed to get promoted can feel outrageously offended. How do we measure success, or the viability of a life? The number of friends, the salary number, the title, the progression of a career? What about our health, the number of people who may come visit us in the hospital should we ever take ill, the things that will be said at our funeral, the way people feel around us, the service we gave to others? This is a great time for reflection on what really matt...

After looking back at the year, think about 2012. I will be guided by "The Power of Less," The Fine Art of Limiting Yourself to the Essential by Leo Babauta. My goal for 2012 -- to allow myself to enjoy my simply abundant, rich life. For so many years I suffered from the mythology that I was supposed to earn more, be more, do more, live richer, than I do. I've had painful work experiences out of balance with the rest of my life, debt and dis-ease as a result. 1. There is more and more data to suggest the American Dream is now the American Horror Story if we strive for it without thoughtful self reflection and objectivity. The home outside our means today--that alone has become a simple reminder to reduce our projection of future income, and live on our cash in hand. 2. In America, workers spend some of the lowest number of days away from work of other similar countries, and we typically work more hours. Given the limited number of d...

Home stretch. Finalize your annual review: both one for personal and for work. Set your plans for the remaining holiday time. Even if it's your default plan of spending time with your family of origin, review past times and decide how you want to navigate those gatherings in healthier ways. You might need to set some boundaries for yourself or with others. Some people stay at a nearby bed and breakfast or hotel, to give space and somewhere to go when things get a little out of hand. We all hopefully find ways to still love our families and yet many of us find family trying at times. It helps to have some space to breathe. Some folks find support systems near where they travel---there are tons of them, or networks of friends who can provide perspective and processing. So look them up and make a plan to spend time in spaces and with people who can help you stay grounded at this time. They call it the nuclear family for a reason: the reactivity within families can be ginormous...

'tis the season. Yes, you must watch what you wear. Yes, please make an appearance. Yes, walk in with your team if you can to show team spirit. Yes, please walk around the party and avoid just hiding in a corner with the people you know. You will certainly bring your business cards to hand out to the new business acquaintances you'll make and schedule time to meet them in the new year. This is a most wonderful networking opportunity. And yes, leave before it gets messy. That said--- Yes, you will avoid being the talk of the party the day after. That means you'll save your signature dance moves for your friends and family party later that night or that weekend. Yes, you will demur dancing closely with folks at work. Yes, you'll avoid the holiday party hook-up---can we say "awkward" the day after? Yes, you will eat politely and avoid standing by the fruit/cheese/pigs in a blanket platter. In other words, yes, they're all watching---your boss, boss...

It's that time of year again. Just a reminder to draft what you want 2012 to be for you personally and professionally. Maybe start with drafting your personal goals. And run those by the important people in your life: start with mentors, (rather than your life partner--they are too close to you for you to get the best feedback or to stomach the churn your thoughts about going forward might be), friends, and then check in with your partner. See what that might mean on the work front. Then draft work goals for yourself for 2012 and run those through your people too. THEN, you devise a work appropriate tool with which to share your ideas and thoughts and get your manager's feedback. At work you might even want to run your ideas by a work mentor before you approach your supervisor. A mentor can give you suggestions on HOW to present your ideas for the best outcomes: a fulfilling conversation, and brainstorming about solutions that work for you AND the organization. Try to...