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It's been forever

And nothing significant has changed. Except, now I go back to Colgate to speak. And I'm terrified all over again, but now I'm swamped by this fear that I'm totally inadequate, balanced by my mother's encouragement to go with my head held high. She's written a book, and part of me feels drawn to call Jen and get it published. How come I never wrote my book?

Maybe I can help her "finish" hers.

But I'm talking about core values. And I'm thinking, but what kind of role model am I? OK, I've got thoughts about values and how to apply them, but I'm a coordinator...at 38 years old. Most of my classmates from Colgate are CEO's, WTF do I know about leadership? If they all got up in the middle of it, (if they showed up at all), and pointed at me and started laughing Carrie-style, I wouldn't blame them and I wouldn't telekinesis or Avada Kedavra because, they'd be right. I have nothing to offer but theory and speculation about something I've hardly exercised in a meaningful way. I might as well be their stunted peer. Them's the thoughts in my head. But I know better than to trust them, sometimes.

Grrr.

In practicality, I'll run my better thoughts by Tim and Maria. And then by some willing students who'll be there and maybe ask a couple of them to join me in talking about values and their impact on how we hold leadership, if only in theory.

We'll see.

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