There's so much I've written. There are essences I want to remind myself about--however, it has been written about Thanksgiving, the Holidays, end of year rituals, performance reviews, quiet time and reflection, holiday office parties, even about death.
That all is happening now. As a Human Resources Manager for a small team, it's devastating to experience the death of a colleague. And as we say goodbye, and honor what he brought to our team, sadness and grief, and wondering if there's anything anyone could have done more of to keep his brilliant candle burning just longer--a decade, a year, weeks to say goodbye properly...
I sit here at a loss. I think about his mother, and friends, and at this time of year. And I bless them--hold them in love and we'll see what the right action is. He is. He was loved.
I ask myself (and we ask ourselves about the importance of things at this time of year anyway), what is most important. I want to go to some deep thought. However, it appears to me that being in the present is all there truly is.
Be here now.
Be with the grief of suddenly losing someone vibrant, alive, caring, trustworthy, upstanding, who just wanted to be of service so intensely. Be with the love of those who remain--thoughtful, kind, available. Be the one of whom love will be written when we too draw our last breath. Imagine our last encounter with a being is the one we're in now, and find a way to have that be our best moment--the one we treasured. I find breathing helpful in the moment. The simple act of letting the air into the body, and exhaling completely. This is life. And let that breath inform the process of thinking, and doing, and resting.
There's much written about gratitude. This year, I'm simply grateful to be alive, and to be able to call on many significant others who are still with us. Bless the departed.
I hate making mistakes. I love my luxurious fantasy of perfection. And today my humanity, my imperfection shone through fiery. I hung in there and cleaned it up. I've learned, you just tell people you screwed up. Say how you're going to fix it immediately, and how you're protecting it from happening going forward. It matters little whether anybody else had anything to do with it. Throw no one under the bus, however, you may want to bring them in on the effect the error had and get their buy in for the proactive solution for future transactions. Truth is, things move so fast that especially with transactional work, there are bound to be errors now and then. The time it takes to be perfect would result in paralysis. It's that magical balance between getting it done (and maybe having to beg forgiveness) and taking so long to deliver that by the time you do deliver, it's too late to be of any use (especially since you've now teed off ...
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