Skip to main content

Hunger, Music, Mayhem

I'm hungry.  I want serenity and joy.  And I can hear the music in the rustling of the tree leaves, feel the ease in the wind and I imagine the serenity at the beach this weekend, the feel of sand.

And yet, I create madness over and over again.  I realize that I am the instrument of darkness that I fear the most.

Honestly.

It is I who fear that the worst is about to happen.  It is I who put the "but" in the sentence stating all that's good.  And it really is all good and taken care of beyond my petty ideas about what "taken care of" means.  I really do have a "God" complex, and the trouble is, as I've heard it told, God has a bigger ego than I do.  Go along with Her program or get dragged.

Reminds me of when I crossed the street on my own as a 2 1/2 year old.  I'm just born defiant and charmingly so.  So, I'm learning to play in the orchestra of life and stop screeching for attention.  While at the same time allowing myself to be me: which is just so darn messy sometimes.  And petulant, and bullyish, and all those yummy things that make me me. 

As someone told me today, sometimes when I shake my duster, I forget to notice if there's someone on the storey below.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I make mistakes (and I bounce back)

I hate making mistakes.  I love my luxurious fantasy of perfection.  And today my humanity, my imperfection shone through fiery.  I hung in there and cleaned it up. I've learned, you just tell people you screwed up.  Say how you're going to fix it immediately, and how you're protecting it from happening going forward.  It matters little whether anybody else had anything to do with it.  Throw no one under the bus, however, you may want to bring them in on the effect the error had and get their buy in for the proactive solution for future transactions. Truth is, things move so fast that especially with transactional work, there are bound to be errors now and then.  The time it takes to be perfect would result in paralysis.  It's that magical balance between getting it done (and maybe having to beg forgiveness) and taking so long to deliver that by the time you do deliver, it's too late to be of any use (especially since you've now teed off ...
3 comments
Read more

I'm Happy

I'm so happy that I can't stop crying--Sting. These are beautiful days.  It's amazing how absolutely gorgeous Spring is in New York City.  The light alone streaming through the delicious apple green trees makes everyone sparkly. I called my Mom today, on a pause riding my bicycle down the West Side Highway bike path.  I looked at the Hudson, choppy with the wind bursting with joy.  I say joy, though I have no idea if rivers experience joy as they approach salty water.  I was joyful and projected it on the cresting water, white with air. My mother is happy.  She has a deep faith which she passed on to me.  It's sustained me and kept me strong in the face of the impossible.  We said prayers for each other on the phone.  She's got a new adventure coming up and I have one too: so we held faith for each other that something bigger than both of us would guide us.  We reflected on the fact that we as a family have been through many challe...
Post a Comment
Read more

Draft your Dream Job

Every once in a while, just for kicks, take a blank piece of paper and write out your ideal next job. Keep all the things you do now that you love, drop the things you're less good at or have mastered and want to let go, and fill the remaining space with stretch tasks and goals. Then write out the names of people who have your ideal job. Make a plan to reach out to them and have a 15 to 20 minute coffee break with them over the next month. Find out what it would take for you to get to the next job that's right for you. Do you need to ask for a stretch assignment? Would you be willing to make some time outside work hours to work on a related project with a mentor? Maybe do some volunteering in line with the new vision work? I suggest that you create a plan and list the milestones. It will amazing you in December how much closer you are to your vision, if you're just a little deliberate about it. Once you've created a plan for yourself, ask a friend to keep you acco...
Post a Comment
Read more