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The hardest thing I've EVER done

This is the hardest thing I've ever done. Simple sugars are the thing to hurdle.

I use them to moderate my feelings. I wanted what I wanted today, and I failed to get it: it could be anything on any given day: I just like getting what I want. And the soothe, the mother's milk is to suck on some chocolate. A good donut, or slice of cake, pie, there are other vague approximations that work too.

And gay men (the ultimate sufferers of body dysmorphia) should never be told their body fat percentage. What does that 10% number MEAN anyway? It drives me to chocolate biscotti and drinking ginger beer while obsessing about the 18g of sugar in the ginger beer.

What does this have to do with anything work related? Well, everything: I have to navigate an intense work day of hurdles, requests, concerns, and then in the midst, feed myself. I want to be thoughtful about the fuel I put in the engine. When sugar seems to be a comfort it challenges the very systems it's meant to soothe: there's a brain chemistry here (and the comfort/ease of chocolate--hits the same part of the brain as you-know-what). Well, you have to be careful--I have to be careful with the stuff.

There are company's who incentivize (is that even a word) healthy behaviors now. We should all be internally motivated to be healthy physically, nutritionally: the world's a better place with healthy people. In a wild suicidal act though, the more I stress, the more attached I get to outcomes in the world, the more I want to be soothed.

What's all this breathing, yoga, healthy confrontation techniques, fierce conversations, boundaries, self-care stuff got to do with anything? Gimme sugar.

To grow up as any kind of man, I gotta give myself hope: that day at a time, I can let go the blankie and step up my game. For three weeks, I'm going to give some concerted effort to this cause. Hardest thing I've ever done.

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