Becoming a Gay Adult

I let the rays of the sun seep in, and I'm a couple shades darker.  Summer has begun for me. It was a delicious day, the rocking of the ferry under the bridges, meeting fun people: diversity is wonderful.  Leaving the city and arriving again. The sand everywhere, the crashing of waves, the beautiful chirpy birds, a soft pretzel, a field of grass, a tender embrace all combined to lull me into the most amazing "take it easy" state.  I was a meditation on life. And a turkey breast, with cheese, with cherry tomatoes on seven-grain toast sandwich was the perfect cap to a perfect day. Sleep well.

In the stillness the answers come. And then the actions we take are more effective. I have a history of burning up energy, time and effort spinning my wheels, being worn and tired from over-exertion, only to realize I'd been going in the wrong direction.  Never truly wasted: for a learned from those efforts.  And what I've learned is: relax, take it easy.  Breathe.  Ask for direction, then act. Today: I rest in action.

Entering an organization (a gathering of people focused on a goal), is a process.  Let's talk about that. The existing organization has a way of doing things, of communicating, of being that the new person has to learn in order to enter successfully.  The first week is about being a total sponge, willing to empty what is known and clearly observe and take note of what is. Many organizations seem from the outside to be one thing; once you're in it, its something else.  So it's important to have done research before interviews and once inside, it's important to compare notes.  How do people say hello in the elevator, make eye contact, what's the water cooler conversation about?  How is the building floor plan arranged?  What does that say about the organization?  Who has the corner offices with the best views?  What does that mean?  How do people dress?  What time do they come in?  What seems to be most important in terms of botto...

My life is getting closer and closer to what I've dreamed it to be. I work with people on my team I enjoy, and serve people I enjoy.  Smart people, driven, personable and caring/thoughtful.  This is so refreshing.  I too am all that.  I love what I do. And I love my friends, my family and I'm getting good time in with them. I'm loving myself, who I am, how I show up.  I'm at my ideal weight, I eat good food, I look good in the mirror and my workout was the perfect stress release.  I go to bed and sleep well with a clear conscience.  My life is adequately full and rich. Now about partnership...that's my final frontier.

I'm learning to stretch in my new role.  I'm being asked to juggle multiple priorities, sort them, tackle the most important and practice pleasantries all at the same time. It's challenging, and I'm up for it.  Exhausted too, and looking forward to a recharging break, especially with nice weather, which seems promised.

I love summer.  And springtime in New York today feels like summer.  I watched a woman in work gear wipe with a towel of some small sort and squeeze the sweat out like water onto the train platform, wipe and squeeze again.  Interesting.  I'm lucky to sweat less. Work was fulfilling today.  I worked hard and as effectively as I could.  I was interdependent.  The team (and it did feel like a team) served the other employees.  We brought light to their work and they thanked us. I put muscle and energy and thought into the work today. I loved it.  I like the people I work with.  And our colleagues who we served showed us respect, laughed and made jokes and asked hard questions and it was all good. And I wish that for others.  I want you to have work you enjoy, is fulfilling and pays you decently so you can take care of yourself, have a life outside work and be with those you love outside the office space. Happy Hunting, Workin...

Champions need sustainable fuel to perform. I'm exhausted.  Full good day.  Met with my wisdom council tonight: peers who all go through the same issues and we talked about how we face work and get stuff done. So helpful.  Now sleep.

I was on time and prepared. And so were they:  desk arranged with essentials & gifts, ID, computer and phone set up, tour and introductions to key people in the building, overview of responsibilities, rules of the road, lunch with team, sit and chat with each person on the team individually: total set up for success. What a buttoned-down and amazing team!  I felt so welcomed and embraced.  Exhausted, in a good way.  Overwhelmed: but knowing that this is a day when there's just a lot to absorb, and feeling OK that they will allow time for it all to sink in.  My job is to be a sponge and soak in as much as I can, and to do what I can as I can over time day by day.  What I value most so far: the complete transparency and openess everyone on the team has.  I trust that.

My life goal is to help others at work have more fulfilling work lives. If you're hunting, check out my 9 steps for the hunting process If you've been in your job for a while and have questions, check out my various thoughts on navigating the workplace. And if like me, you're starting a new gig, look forward to my own thoughts about that as I'm starting a new one too.  I'll probably use a lot of my thoughts from the last 7 weeks from my gig at the ad agency. Today is a new beginning.  A new chance for me to enter an organization well. Live well, work well and happy hunting.

I finally got enough sleep last night after trying to do that all week.  Went to bed early and rested. And in my dreams, I thought of everything for the first day of work.  I was nervous about how I'd be perceived, whether I'll fall passionately in love with the content we produce, and if I'd enjoy the headliners of our content.  Will I love the people?  Will I get and embrace the culture of the place?  Sure, intellectually I think I'm a good fit, however, there's reality.  So we'll see.  I went over my first day paperwork and made sure I packed all appropriate documentation.  I'd taken good notes on conversations so I know exactly where to go, who to meet, and what time to get there.  I even know my first day schedule and a general idea about my first week. I'm as prepared as I can be, down to what to wear and what I need to bring for the first few days at my desk, including a pen and a pad for taking notes. It feels like a firs...

Today is another absolutely gorgeous day in New York City.  I'm sitting here at the home office desk and looking out at magnificently green trees and listening to birds tweet. The laundry is done, and the grocery shopping.  I've already reached out for counsel to set up the work week for success, and supported someone else as they prepare for new work as well.  I coached well on Friday and responded to another connection a network contact generated. I feel wonderfully blessed and gifted.  I will enjoy today and let go of trying to be perfect.  There is a plan to go bike riding.

Yesterday, I started the "defrag" process. You know when your computer asks if you want to defragment your hard drive?  That's what I feel I do when I rest during the day.  Rest at night is about the body doing it's repair work. Rest during the day is about optimizing the functioning of the systems. I think a museum walkthrough is called for.  A leisurely gym workout.  More lying in the sun for sure.  And maybe some abundance visioning: seeing myself in new clothes.  And, I want to allow for spontaneity.  I want to allow myself to go with the flow of life and if something comes up that changes my charted course, I want to go with it.  Normally, in the past, I'd get very angry if the plan changed.  I want to deepen my flexibility through practice: life as it shows me new direction is a good thing. A very good day. I've got a feeling, ooh ooh, that today's going to be a good day! [thanks, Black Eyed Peas.] I'm resting in motion toda...

I reconnected with folks at the gig before the ad agency on day 1 off.  It's also a big media company so it was good to talk with HR professionals who do the same functions as I will at my new gig. There are existing and best practices at everything (well most things).  So I touched base with people I know can be wonderfully supportive later.  There's no need (ever) to try and take on something new alone or in a vacuum. There is help out there: you do have to take action though to find it.  I also chilled out in the sun.  Lots of energy there. Happy Hunting, k

Good Banking is Good Citizenship, proclaims Citizens Bank with a little help from my co-workers today.  It's my last day as their co-worker.  Although, we are all co-workers in a bigger sense for the ultimate purpose.  We're all human beings cohabitating on our dear old Earth. Life.  End of work here, and a launching period for work there. Lame duck day.  Awkward.  How do I end well on this last day?  I'm kind, present.  I set healthy clear boundaries.  People will have their reactions.  Obviously mini-versions of my last run with this seven months ago.  Some people will be angry with me and couch it in niceties, some people will be angry and just stay away, some people will cope through denial.  Many will cope through all three.  Some people will be genuinely happy for me: to see me take myself seriously and choose to do Good Banking.  At the end of the day we all want to do good work, and we all want to be paid ...

You know, I cringe at my superpowers, move people out of the way line in my description.  And I will leave it up for now.  Just as my brother calls me the absent-minded professor.  My boss calls me on my inattention to details.  And my cousin called me on my statement, "i lack spontaniety."  She said I do have spontaneous moments when it comes to what I want to do; however woe to the person who suggests a spontaneous idea to me. Then I get planful. So I own my subterranean...well not so below the surface, desire for power.  I swear I'd only use it for good! And my proclivity to leave some details out, or make a mistake or two in my focus on speed vs effectiveness or wanting to stay in the bigger picture with a distaste for being in the weeds. And that, along with all my amazing attributes, makes up my authentic brand. Then I have to find a way to communicate it in a helpful way with other stakeholders.  My new supervisor and colleagues, etc....

Always end well.  I have a tradition of ending well.  In this case, I created a document that the team can use to train the next person in the role I'm leaving.  It'll give an overview of what to look out for and what they need to know.  I've organized the desk, files and drawers so the new person comes to a place that is welcoming and sets her up for success. Every new person deserves that. I'm also looking at my projects and data files to make sure that they all are buttoned up.  These last couple days are to check in with the team and make sure that what I need to deliver is complete. I'm saying goodbye personally to key stakeholders.  And so... I feel sad, yes.  AIDS Walk was wonderful.  We had a rousing time cheering back to all the cheerleaders along the way.  We laughed, we talked about important things, and we enjoyed a spectacular day in the park.  $8,656 went to GMHC because of our efforts as a team, proving once agai...

I am grateful for my health.  I am hugely grateful that I'm able to walk the 6.2 miles with some amazing folks this morning.  And I am grateful for GMHC, an organization whose mission is to help those suffering from and affected by HIV. 45,000+ people march this morning supporting thousands more in the NYC environs.  Men, women and children, some homebound, some just bewildered get meals, education, and other vital support to help them manage HIV in their lives and its effects. It's a disease with so much stigma. I join with us in blessing them today with each step.

This is the day before AIDS Walk 2010 in Central Park New York with the team.  I'm excited to walk.  It'll be nice to walk with other corporate citizens who believe in giving back: to wear the shirt of the organization, proud to say that part of the energy and passion of the organization goes to helping those who can no longer help themselves (in certain ways.)  Maybe the better way to say it is that we're helping out in supplemental ways.  And maybe, those we help, help us.  For example, it helps me to be grateful that TODAY I have the power to walk six miles.  Some folks are homebound with HIV-related illness.  It helps me to be grateful that I do have a network of support who would be there for me if life got rough and there were things I could no longer do for myself.  And I have seen those who live on so little give me hope that I too would be alright if things got terrible.  The human spirit is strong and flexes to the most unusual si...

I'm sad today. The last seven weeks have really been wonderful here at the ad agency.  I learned so much and people were so genuinely kind, open and appreciative.  I ended up working with a supervisor I really enjoyed working beside.  And the open space work style was fine.  You really get to know about others.  Work becomes very intimate fast.  I got used to it.  It really trimmed away at the send of hierarchy and overbearing structure.  Well-harnessed it could be a powerful differentiator for organizations and could result in more nimble organizations and better cross-pollination. It does require significant energy for atomic particles to jump from one atom to another, so it makes sense that I'd feel some heaviness about the impending transition.  I guess the thing to do is to be gentle and allow myself to say goodbye well here.  I've already created a training guide for the next person to step into the role I'm leaving.  Toda...

slept in...running late... today, live life. well.

Rain was thrilling today on my bicycle in the morning.  I expected something else. And it's like life.  We feel the day will bring one thing, and it brings another. Stay open; take guided risks.  It felt as if I was being moved through the rain today.  And I'm dry at work.  Hmmm...strange miracle.

There is no need for me to do everything, and be everything for everyone! Novel, eh? I'm going to sit with that today.  What are my true limits?  How do I express those with others with compassion, kindness, respect, understanding, empathy and care?  How DO I share what is important and vital to me so that I'm sustained in relationship with others?  Especially at work. I know that's a fragment. Especially at work.

Today I find the inspiration from the interactions during the day.  One little moment at a time.

I'm so happy that I can't stop crying--Sting. These are beautiful days.  It's amazing how absolutely gorgeous Spring is in New York City.  The light alone streaming through the delicious apple green trees makes everyone sparkly. I called my Mom today, on a pause riding my bicycle down the West Side Highway bike path.  I looked at the Hudson, choppy with the wind bursting with joy.  I say joy, though I have no idea if rivers experience joy as they approach salty water.  I was joyful and projected it on the cresting water, white with air. My mother is happy.  She has a deep faith which she passed on to me.  It's sustained me and kept me strong in the face of the impossible.  We said prayers for each other on the phone.  She's got a new adventure coming up and I have one too: so we held faith for each other that something bigger than both of us would guide us.  We reflected on the fact that we as a family have been through many challe...

It's been an amazing journey.  7 months after I exited my last full-time position, I got another full-time offer in HR.  This time, I get to learn the generalist side of HR.  I will become a more rounded HR professional through this experience.  It's a chance to learn another corporation, with a different energy and culture. I'm excited and nervous. I looked back at my vision for next steps in my career and this is such a great fit.  I'm still in Media, I'm helping people have successful lives at work.  My industry/function choice.  I'm at a great location, I really admire and respect from the first gut reactions, the folks with whom I'll work.  I get good vibes from the people I will serve who I saw on my short tour and as I sat in the lobby area during interviews.  I like the energy, the excitement, the studio.  And I chatted and emailed folks who went to my alma mater who now work at the company (using LinkedIn).  I was an ...

I love Annie Lennox.  Favorite artist ever.  Her song, "I've Got a Life," captures my mood today.  I hummed it on my way to the office and took in the morning. How do I let my life "shine"?  How do I hold on to my authenticity and yet "fit" in a corporate culture. Deep questions for my morning walk and meditation this morning. I am, I'm discovering, a bit of the absent-minded professor.  I need the early morning time to review things, put lists and calendars together to keep me organized.  Thank goodness for "To Do" lists and all the bells and whistles of Outlook (or Lotus Notes) to keep me on task. Otherwise, I'd drift into philosophy. Happy Friday.

Career decisions are among the most difficult we humans make. They must be approached with a level of thoughtfulness for personal and organizational effectiveness.  And (I suppose theme of the month), require the consideration of competing priorities. There is the illusion of safety and surety.  Something very seductive to me.  I like a sense of clarity of purpose and direction: we're all moving in the same direction towards a unified vision. That said I love creative chaos as well.  New, innovative and exciting things happen in that environment. At 40, and given all I've been through, I lean towards the safe.  I miss my reckless twenties...well, I look back at them fondly as I forge ahead. Cheers, and Happy Hunting/Work Well

I've always believed that something bigger than me orchestrates this grand experiment: LIFE. And so, I'm partly fearless. I've also grown to believe I have some engineering capacity.  That I learn to let go of over time.  I am a catalyst, a vessel "through which," however I'm am never "in charge."  Let that go. Now is a time to sit and listen thoughtfully.  To be compassionate and kind.  To be transparent and open. This is a time for reflection about what's deeply, truly important and to listen to the quiet, and breathe, rest, believe that bigger than me is the universe expansive and wonderful. Ah...inhale...exhale.  Namaste.

I declare today AMAZING DAY! And you say, "why, Karl?  Why is today an AMAZING DAY!?" And I say, "because I declare it so." It's that simple.  I have decided that today is a wonderful day.  For example, later it might rain: right now it's absolutely lovely outside.  I rode my bike in and it's amazing how beautiful the city is this early.  The train was fairly empty allowing for easy maneuvering and the streets were dry. Life is pretty awesome right now and I feel like celebrating. So today is an AMAZING DAY! 

It's important to share authentically, and with prudence. If nobody knows what you care about or value, then you've failed to make it possible for you to be successful. That comes with a clear caveat.  Once you've clearly self-assessed, be thoughtful about who knows what.  Authenticity demands as conscious honesty as you can muster.  However, it serves nobody to blather your truth everywhere to everyone.  That can cause more harm than good. This is why trusted sherpas are important in your life.  Having those few who you CAN tell all, gives you one stop before you decide to share your intimate truths with others.  They can help you develop prudence. I do have news.  However, I have to keep it quiet for now, though I'm bursting at the seams to share. Happy Prudent Hunting today.  And WORK WELL my employed friends.

It's absolutely gorgeous in New York.  The city was abuzz with life: beautiful flowers everywhere and trees in their Sunday best of green. Amazingly sculpted beautiful people with laughter and joy. Enjoy life.

I'm back in the race.  And this time, I'm doing it differently. I've learned so much over the last 6 months.  November 4th I left one company.  I was challenged to figure out what was failing for me in that work experience, communicating it clearly to all stakeholders, and then identifying solutions.  I was going so fast on the treadmill of getting the work done, that a clear and thorough inventory of my part, the part of other stakeholders and a good look at the environment was impossible.  It was too hard to slow down and do the inventory.  And, I started looking at it much later than I should have. Lesson learned: take regular inventory, especially when things are good.  Identify what's going well, what's failing and come together with stakeholders and identify mutually satisfactory solutions.  Do it early.  Sometimes, we get to place where feelings and psychology become intractable and then it's almost too late to identify potential s...