Skip to main content

Keep Believing

Wow.  I would never wish the level of pain I was in yesterday on anyone.  Honestly.  It was either gallstone, a strained stomach muscle, or kidney stone.  Ugh.  Thank the universe for pain medication, though I was just out of it all day.  Seems the pain is getting better.  It's the state of mind that pain puts me in that's unbearable more than anything.

It reminds me of the pain of looking for work for 3 1/2 months, following all the steps I've outlined, and still, all there is to do is wait for this painful period to pass.  The figuring out of what direction to go in, where to focus energy, and ultimately just wanting this situation: joblessness, to go away.

I did think of giving up, I confess.  I thought, if this is how it's to go, then that's that.  Let's go.  And yet, that was a small moment: for the most part I'm passionately fighting for a good life.  I did have a dark moment, and there was moaning and crying too.  Yup, I did.

I try to keep those moments between me and the closest people in my inner circle, so my two best buds got an earful this weekend.

Today is a "dust myself off" day.  I'm going to attempt some time with friends since Monday is supposed to be one of those whole day interviews with a temp agency.  That means lots of sleep tonight and making sure I have everything from ID paperwork, to start and end dates and supervisor information for every job I've had, plus references and contact information for them.  It's going to be fun.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

100 Lives in 2023

Legacy -- what I leave behind. Executive Function -- I just looked that up and have a lot more to learn about it. The concept struck me as core to this next chapter of my life that brings together all I've learned so far. Building ability to learn, resilience in the face of terror and disaster, being bendable and shaping while maintaining a spine, having a North Star -- a clear direction, a system of support, and an operating system. Getting regular feedback to dim the echo chamber effect. Regular cadence of reflection time. This is what's required in 2023 and beyond. Cal Newport is correct -- companies have put the full responsibility on each worker to determine how to orchestrate their lives. At the same time, we can work 24 hours--technology allows us to use the same device to wake up and learn what's happening halfway around the globe. Athletes have coaches who share best practices on what to do holistically step by step to optimize their performance on the court or f

I make mistakes (and I bounce back)

I hate making mistakes.  I love my luxurious fantasy of perfection.  And today my humanity, my imperfection shone through fiery.  I hung in there and cleaned it up. I've learned, you just tell people you screwed up.  Say how you're going to fix it immediately, and how you're protecting it from happening going forward.  It matters little whether anybody else had anything to do with it.  Throw no one under the bus, however, you may want to bring them in on the effect the error had and get their buy in for the proactive solution for future transactions. Truth is, things move so fast that especially with transactional work, there are bound to be errors now and then.  The time it takes to be perfect would result in paralysis.  It's that magical balance between getting it done (and maybe having to beg forgiveness) and taking so long to deliver that by the time you do deliver, it's too late to be of any use (especially since you've now teed off your colleague by be

Post Operation

The physical therapist sub said that I'm tracking ahead for someone 4 days post total right hip replacement. I want to be pleased with myself. When they ask what my goals are post-op, I want to say to run a marathon and to do a triathlon again, and to race up the stairs at work as if I'm Superman, and ace all my goals harder and faster, to show I'm not aging at all. I'm perpetually at my male peak performance. During a triathlon, if I notice I'm tracking ahead of goals I know to slow down. Especially in a race. Especially in the beginning. And life, funny as it may seem, is not a race at all. But even in racing everyone knows that for feats of human resilience, it's the starting slow that gets the body properly attuned to the day, the moment, the heat or cold, the tempo that's right on purr for the longer game. Sprints are different, but they are short. Life, as I want to live it, is a long game. To deeply enjoy it, I need to pace. There's a hubris